


strawberries and cigarettes

by 04smuse



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Baby Boy Park Chanyeol, BaekYeol - Freeform, Bottom Park Chanyeol, ChanBaek - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Top Byun Baekhyun, baekhyun is a gang leader, chanyeol is a soft boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:07:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26188462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/04smuse/pseuds/04smuse
Summary: Chanyeol looks for Baekhyun in the middle of the night, in the west of the day, in the warm memory of the water.He didn't want to let go of the sweet, delectable taste of strawberries and cigarettes so easily.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 10
Kudos: 54





	strawberries and cigarettes

**Author's Note:**

> hi !!! i wrote this drabble in just two hours, so please bare with me if you spot any grammatical errors !!! i've been feeling pretty down lately so i thought writing some baekyeol angst would help, and it did >< enjoy (or not) hehe

Chanyeol stared at his raging face, feeling the raindrops clash onto him as they were mixing in with his salty tears; he felt numb from how cold it has become after an embrace of profound love and warmth, he felt like he was unable to feel anything at all due to how his heartstrings were torn, ripped, broken apart—it had left him completely lifeless. He has never wished for anything more than now, he wanted time to stop so the man standing in front of him could freeze as well as the world. As much as he ached for one last embrace from him, that comforting embrace which made his heart feel at home, just before life came crashing down on him mercilessly.

He could not, though. That was the last thing he could ever do. Gazing at his face that was drenched with the rain, unlike Chanyeol’s that had tears, it made him wonder what it was like to love him. It was like being exhumed and brought his life a flash of brilliance. That chocolate brown hair of his was stuck onto his forehead due to the rain while his skin was akin to the coruscating moon. He breathed heavily because of how his heart weighed him down; Chanyeol indeed felt the exact same.

“Has my love not been enough for you?” The taller man asked, his voice barely above a whisper, every word breaking. What broke him, even more, was the sight of the shorter man shaking his head, the wrath that was ridden in his eyes turning into something more gentle. It was not gentle in the way his heart used to love the view. It was different now, something had shifted and Chanyeol didn’t even want to think about what.

Baekhyun looked at him with his dark, pitiful eyes, a sad smile forming upon his lips. Oh, how the older man wanted to take Chanyeol in his arms and keep him warm. “You are enough, babydoll. You have always been more than enough.” In return, Chanyeol smiled back, but his doe eyes were welled with more tears.

_ What was it like to be loved by him in return?  _ It was like being seen after a perpetual darkness, his heart replied. To be heard after a lifetime of silence.

“T—Then why is this happening? Why are you letting me go after all we have been through together?” Chanyeol’s voice dripped with sorrow, his throat etched with a sob he had been holding back. When it had escaped, he covered his mouth with the palm of his hand, turning away from Baekhyun because he didn’t want him to see him cry, although the older man has many times in their once flourishing past.

_ What was it like to lose him?  _ It was like hearing every goodbye said to him—said all at once.

“I don’t know if I want you,” Baekhyun said simply, his voice dropping, yet the honesty laced within was easy to detect. “But I do know I don’t want anyone else to have you.”

Chanyeol just scoffed, glaring at the older man as he took steps back from him. “You’re _insane_. Fucking insane. Sacrificing  _ everything _ for you was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life.” He balled his fists together, his entire body shaking with rage and sobs. Baekhyun stared at him, taking a step towards Chanyeol but it only made the younger man take one back. “Don’t you dare come near me!” He cried out, face contorting, jabbing a finger in his direction. “How could you even say something so unfair to me? You called me here to fucking break up with me and now you’re saying you don’t want anyone else to have me? What the hell am I to you, Baekhyun? A toy you could toss and use around whenever you want to?!”

Baekhyun stood there in silence.

The younger man remembered their first meeting. He thought that working part-time at the bakery near his university brought him such fortune because he met the older man, an underground gang leader, one day. Baekhyun was _so_ fucking handsome to him with his brown hair that was neatly shaven at the sides, his long chain he wore and that Chanyeol always used to pull him in for a deep kiss, his streetwear that looked incredibly sexy on him—Chanyeol thought he fell in love at first sight.

He remembered how Baekhyun flirted with him when he brought him the strawberry pastry he ordered, telling him “I’m sure your pretty red lips taste better than these sweet strawberries” with his infamous smirk that made Chanyeol’s heart melt. That very day, they ended up making out in the back of the shop; Baekhyun waited for his shift to end, and Chanyeol found him waiting outside for him near the parking lot. He wasn’t expecting to find himself glued to the gang leader, note that he was unaware of his life at that time, his legs draped around his torso and back pressed against the brick wall, Baekhyun’s neck leaving pretty red marks all over. Chanyeol felt like he was in love due to how gently Baekhyun treated him. As if he was a doll, _his_ doll.

That’s how Baekhyun kept the name  _ babydoll  _ for Chanyeol.

He remembered jumping the fence of his house with Baekhyun waiting for him on the other side with his motorcycle, instantly taking Chanyeol into his arms and seating him on his motorcycle, peppering the younger’s face with kisses just so he could hear his giggles. He was well aware of what Baekhyun did, what he was, but Chanyeol could care less because he was a fool in love—they both were. Baekhyun once asked Chanyeol to even light his cigarette for him when they were at a friend’s house, the taller boy sitting on the older man’s lap with just his small shorts on along with an oversized, long sleeve shirt. Baekhyun called it his “baby boy fashion”.

They kissed and kissed, the smoke traveling its way into Chanyeol’s mouth which he contentedly enjoyed. Baekhyun always tasted like strawberries and cigarettes.

He remembered how Baekhyun used to sneak into his room at nights where Chanyeol was overwhelmed with his studies. Exams were coming up and Baekhyun was always there to provide Chanyeol with comfort and serenity, he was like his pillar of strength. When he got his exam results back, he remembered taking an Uber to his surprisingly expensive flat without him knowing; he knocked on the door until Baekhyun opened it, it took him a while, but that was only because he was having a meeting with his gang members who were always so kind to him. Baekhyun’s face instantly lit up at the sight of Chanyeol’s bright, beautiful doe eyes gazing down at him. Chanyeol dropped his red backpack onto the floor and jumped into his arms, telling him that he had passed all his exams.

He remembered Baekhyun cutting their meeting short just to celebrate with Chanyeol. They got drunk, kissed, touched one another, saying those three heavy words over and over again, until Chanyeol decided he was ready to feel Baekhyun inside him, to be connected to him. Chanyeol was a virgin and Baekhyun was not. He remembered feeling Baekhyun’s warm hands grazing against his soft skin, his lips attacking and sucking the most sensitive places in his body, places he never thought he would get kissed. He remembered Baekhyun whispering sweet nothings into his ear as he rammed hard and fast into Chanyeol’s heat, enjoying the feeling of the walls clenching against his length. Chanyeol cried, biting Baekhyun’s shoulder because he was afraid to make noise, his nails scratching along the older man's broad back as they rocked back and forth. It was the _best_ , and most meaningful night of his life.

He remembered Baekhyun sneaking into his room late at night, waking up Chanyeol in his sleep because he was  _ hurt _ . Call it dangerous, but Chanyeol had always kept his balcony door open just in case Baekhyun wanted to stop by; some nights, they slept in one another’s arms, and those nights were Chanyeol’s favorite. That night, though, seeing Baekhyun clutching onto his arm tightly as he was holding his stomach, hiding a large cut right on the left of his sternum—it broke Chanyeol to pieces. He remembered crying quietly as he cleaned up the wound that luckily wasn’t too deep for him to go to the hospital, and Baekhyun was trying his best to hush the boy. He begged Baekhyun to find another thing to do, to drop the gang leader position because it brought too much danger upon him, but Baekhyun just assured him that this would never happen again. He promised and kept it. Chanyeol fell asleep in his arms that night, he cried himself to sleep.

He remembered all the times Baekhyun took him out, evenings full of sugar and smoke rings, Baekhyun’s calloused hands walking right into Chanyeol’s, Chanyeol sneaking back into his room smelling just like Baekhyun due to hours of lovemaking in the most random places—sometimes an empty park, sometimes an empty, abandoned lot on Baekhyun’s motorcycle—and tasting like strawberries and cigarettes, his favorite. He taught him to love, and the younger boy’s heart was just as tender as the day he called him his. Chanyeol couldn’t shake his hunger for Baekhyun’s warmth, those strawberries, and cigarettes, and Baekhyun always left him wanting more.

Two long years of nothing but love was all withering away. And Chanyeol didn’t know what caused that to happen, nor did he know what to do to make the withering stop. He cried out helplessly, clutching onto his heart for dear life as Baekhyun stood in front of him, with no words coming out of his mouth. He never thought this day would ever come; with the number of promises Baekhyun made to him, the younger man would have never thought they were actually empty,  _false_ promises. The way Baekhyun just stood there, watching Chanyeol cry his heart out, made him cry even more. “Did absolutely _nothing_ within these two years of being together mean anything to you, Baek? Just p—please, tell me I was worth it, a—at least.” Chanyeol still had enough strength to speak up, to defend himself, to reassure that he still held _meaning_ to Baekhyun’s life.

Before Baekhyun could even speak up, an expensive car slowly drove by, stopping right beside them. They both looked at the car, blinking through the heavy rain. The window rolled down, revealing Sehun, one of Baekhyun’s loved members. Sehun glanced at Chanyeol who hiccuped, then at Baekhyun who was just staring at Chanyeol. The younger man looked back at Baekhyun, beginning to shake his head rapidly when the gang leader was beginning to take steps towards the car.

“N—No, no, no, you can’t just leave!” Chanyeol yelled, clutching onto Baekhyun’s leather jacket as he was reaching for the door handle of the car. Baekhyun froze and felt Chanyeol drop his head on his shoulder, trembling uncontrollably, “Please, Baekhyun, please, y—you can’t leave me, I can’t live without you. God, please.” He sobbed onto the older man’s shoulders, the rain lessening so his voice was more audible. “Baekhyun, please!” Chanyeol clutched onto his jacket even tighter when he heard the door handle click, meaning it opened. “I love you so much, fuck, I know you love me too, so why are you leaving me? What did I do to you to deserve this?”

After that last sentence, Baekhyun shoved Chanyeol off him, making the younger man stumble back, almost slipping. He turned around and glared at Chanyeol, eyes bloodshot red, meaning he was crying as well. Chanyeol just couldn’t tell because of the dam rain. Baekhyun looked like he wanted to say something by the way he stood there, his jaw clenching as he stared at the boy he loved so much with woeful eyes. But instead, he shook his head and got into the car, slamming the door shut. Chanyeol stood there. He felt numb. He stood there, hands fallen to his sides, tears coming to a halt, heart feeling like it had stopped beating. He stood there and watched Sehun drive Baekhyun away, speeding down the street.

And with that, Chanyeol had lost his entire life. He lost the man who cared for him, who loved him with his entire being, and Chanyeol was  definite  about that. If he had given his heart away to those who came before Baekhyun, it would be safer left in parts—but now, Baekhyun has it all.

Chanyeol knew Baekhyun loved him. He remembered the night they had confessed their love for one another, Chanyeol’s head resting on Baekhyun’s chest, one hand securely resting on his waist while the other was bent below his head. Baekhyun was  _ so _ , so warm. “No one truly knows who they are,” Baekhyun said, breaking the comforting silence that surrounded them. Chanyeol lifted his head and looked at the man, kissing his chin and asking him to continue, and Baekhyun did. 

“The glass bottle does not know its own contents. It has no idea whether it’s a vessel for the most delicious bottle of Soju, a lovingly crafted wine, or a bitter poison. People are the same. Yet like the glass bottle, we are indeed transparent. We cannot see ourselves the way others see us.” Baekhyun explained, his finger trailing down Chanyeol’s hipbone and back up repeatedly, making the younger shiver under his touch.

“How do you see me then, Baek?”

Baekhyun pressed a kiss on top of Chanyeol’s fluffy brown hair, “You are the most beautiful glass bottle floating out at the sea. One that contains a very important message. It may never reach its recipient but as long as there is one waiting, it will always have a purpose, babydoll.”

“Will you wait for mine?” Chanyeol whispered, eyes burning with tears of adulation.

“I will,” Baekhyun promised. “I will look for you every time I stand at the edge of the ocean.”

_fin_.

**Author's Note:**

> this was so bad I AM SORRY...
> 
> follow me on twitter though !!! @dollyeollie (the l's in doll are capital i's)


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